It’s daylight savings time…that means I lost an hour and it’s already 6am. That’s the last thing I need. I like when you fall back because I get that extra hour…but when I spring ahead I am NOT a happy camper. Oh well, what can I do?

Tonight was a pretty good night. We had “family time”. I went bowling with my entire family then we went out to eat. It was nice being able to spend time with them. When we get along we’re a really great family. LOL. They got me out of the house which is nice. I don’t have any friends that I just chill with. If I ever hang with anyone it’s a random thing that happens once every blue moon. So I really never get to go out. I haven’t been out drinking yet…and I’m 21. I’ll be 22 soon. That sounds really sad.

I want to meet different people. I’m content on not having friends but sometimes that can be boring. I want to be a loner with associates, I guess…if you can even call them that. I’ve noticed that I’ve been drawn towards older people lately. I’ve never been one to hang out with people around my age but now it seems like I feel comfortable around people even older than before. Or maybe it’s because I’m getting older that these people seem so old. I’m not sure. I feel like I can’t relate with most people my age.

I feel a certain way about a lot of things and I’ve grown up a lot right in front of your eyes. Yes…you. LOL. But really, I have. I know I still have my flaws but there are a lot of things that are better about me. I was supposed to graduate next month. That’s not happening because of me not being sure of what I want to spend the rest of my life doing and not being sure if I really want to be in school. My next stepping stone will take place in a few months. I’m getting my own apartment. I started off in a dorm room with a roommate, upgraded to a single room, upgraded to an apartment with a roommate and now I’ll have a place that’s all mine. A place that I can call home. I’m also trying to work on another deal but I want to keep that under wraps until I figure out what’s going to happen.

I have a lot to say but I wont say too much more. I’m about to start a registry filled with items I could use in my new home. I’m really considering throwing a house warming party. People get too nosey though. They’ll just show up to see what neighborhood you live in and that type of stuff.

I’m sitting here going through a lot of things in my head. I’m getting a migraine. I feel so stressed/depressed and just sad. I’ve been holding a lot of things in just praying that they would get better. I wanted to schedule an appointment to talk to someone but they’re so backed up. I’d get seen by the beginning of April. I just want things to magically get better.

On another note…I’ll probably be a little happier tomorrow. I’m expecting something in the mail and tomorrow is the last day of class. I have to write a 4-6pg paper and a 1pg Spanish journal by 3pm tomorrow and so far I have nothing.

I’ve been putting “07″ on a lot of stuff lately. I guess I’m not used to writing 08 yet or I just forgot it was 08.

I’ll probably end up doing my hair tomorrow (or Friday) going to get my siblings on Friday and spending the weekend with them. I’m glad I get a break from classes and hopefully I’ll be able to screw my head on straight.

I’m not really hungry but I want a snack. I’m about to go find something…

I just paid all my bills for the rest of the month. I’m glad that I finally had the money to pay the stuff, but man…watching money disappear before your eyes is not fun! I feel like I need to find a job ASAP. I really need to focus on school because I want to pass all my classes this term but man, I need money! I’m pretty much set on having 2 jobs in the summer. I just gotta figure out where I’m going to work. It’s not going to be fun having 2 jobs but I’m in so much debt right now…I just want/need to dig myself out of it. The income tax refunds really did help me. I was planning on putting all that money toward school this semester but I couldn’t because I had to pay bills. I owe the school about $5000 and I don’t have that at the moment. I’m going to try my best to save up but I really don’t how that’s going to work to be honest. The only thing I can see happening is me getting 2 40 hr/wk jobs. That gives me about 12 hours to sleep and mess around online each day. I’m trying to pursue the bus driving thing. If I can lock in that position then I can do something in the daytime and try to get them to let me drive the bus at night. Maybe I can work at Circuit City in the AM and drive the bus in the PM. This is all so frustrating. I just want a break, you know. I don’t mind working but it always seems like it’s so much. There’s a difference between working because you want to and working because you have to. It’s depressing to even think about. I’m so mad that things turned out this way. They weren’t supposed to be this way.

My little sister will be entering college the same year that I’ll graduate. I feel bad because if things don’t get better for me I wont be able to help her financially. I’ll make sure that she makes better decisions. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to do after I graduate. I’m still unsure. I want to get a job that I like. Part of me wants to be a teacher but I don’t really like school. Part of me wants to be a writer but that job wont give me a steady paycheck. It seems like the easiest thing for me to do is to get a Master’s Degree in Business and then move to Maryland or something. I don’t know how I’ll be in business but I can’t imagine that I’ll be that bad. I love to write, I’m great at math and I can be a people person. I can’t even start to think about my Master’s Degree because I don’t even have my Bachelor’s yet. Even if I did want to get my Master’s Degree at the school I’m currently going to I wouldn’t be able to afford it. I wish I had a better plan when I graduated from high school. I feel like I’ve been here for so many years and when I graduate what kind of job will I have? The same job I had before/during college?

I guess a degree gives you the opportunity to make more money in whatever position you get (outside of retail) so that’s always a good thing. I guess I don’t have to do what I got a degree in. I guess I still have the option of working in a hospital. I feel bad for blowing all of my sciences classes at this school. But really, if I want to stay in Michigan getting a job at a hospital is my best bet and I guess I could work on writing a book or something during my free time.

I don’t know how this blog turned into my lifelong plan or the lack thereof. I feel like I’m going to be in school forever, graduate with a million degrees and still not know my purpose in life.

I’ve decided to change things around a little until I get the time to make something else. My previous theme was in Dutch. When I first coded it, I tried to put everything I could in English. Now I’m finding more stuff and I just don’t feel like doing it. Also, there weren’t any dates on the themes so that was bothering me a bit as well.

I’m a little bored. I should be studying. I’m going to attempt to do that right after I finish this post. It’s weird not having anyone to talk to online. I’m so used to talking to Miracle 24/7. I guess that’s what I get for being up so early. I really should have scheduled early classes this semester. I’ve been getting up at 6am or earlier everyday for the past week. By the time it’s time for me to go to my classes I’m ready to take a nap or something. I dozed around 7pm last night and my parents showed up around 12:30 to get my sibs then I went back to sleep at 3am and woke up at 6am. I hope I can stay up until 8pm tonight. American Idol comes on! If not I better clear my TiVo when I get home. I need to figure out how to put TiVo stuff on VHS.

I’m up here trying to put together little things in my apartment to eat. I don’t feel like flat out cooking, and besides its too late for that. What I really want is some McDonalds. I want a Chicken Club combo. Their premium chicken/chicken selects are really good. I’m impressed with the quality. There’s a McDonalds right up the street. It’s open 24 hours. I would just go but it’s cold outside, I don’t feel like getting into my cold car, I don’t have the money to spend and I have a McDonalds stalker. I try not to mention the stalker because that whole situation is just crazy. In the summer time I went to McDonalds around midnight on a damn-near-daily basis. I stopped doing that a little while before I lost my job. This chick new the model of my car, my license plate and everything. She even had her coworkers take note of who I was so they could get her if I pulled through. The whole situation is so weird. I’ve been VERY clear that I have a girlfriend (even though it’s more like I’m in love with this girl who I want to be my girlfriend) so I don’t know what the deal is. But yes, that’s why I don’t go to McDonalds anymore…

In other news…my siblings left around 12:45. I already miss them! It gets a little crowded and they can be a little loud at times because they’re kids. I really shouldn’t tell then to keep it quiet because of how other people act in this place, but I was raised to be respectful…so…

I’ve been apartment hunting. My living plans changed when my friends sister decided to return. Today she told me that her parents are willing to rent out the last bedroom to me and give me my own bathroom. She has a 3 bedroom place. So it will be a little crowded and I’ll feel like I’m imposing so I’m going to try to do this on my own.

I need a miracle to happen. I went to my bank account today and saw some more money in there as soon as I said “I need a miracle” so I thought it was something happened. I got really happy, and then..nope. It was money I transferred from my paypal in order to pay my rent. I still don’t have enough just yet. On top of it I have utilities to pay. Blah. I’m so tired of being broke. My cell phone got shut off and I feel like it keeps getting worse. I spoke with my siblings yesterday. They asked if I was coming to get them this weekend. I totally forgot about that. I didn’t see my sister on her birthday so I said I’d come this weekend since it’s a long weekend. I don’t have class on Fridays and Monday is MLK day. It turns out that they don’t have class this Friday so my brother asked me if I was coming Friday morning. I’m like…for? Then he told me about them not having school and stuff. I’m still trying to see IF I can make that happen. It would be nice to see them for a few days. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. It’s hard when you’re living penny for penny, you know. I think I’m going to try and do it and pray that I’ll be OK on the financial situation afterwards. I really need some PPP opps. I wish I had a higher PR.

Taking showers isn’t simple as it used to be. I’ve been getting sick every time. It’s really weird. I have to limit myself to only 10 minutes.

I need to go grocery shopping. I still have food in my fridge…kinda. I’m running out of milk. I don’t feel like going shopping. I feel like I spend too much money on food as it is and I just can’t afford that now. I also feel like I’ve been using my roommates card a little too much so I’m trying to hold off on that for a little while. Maybe until the 15th at least. I might run and get some milk sometime. My fridge isn’t complete without milk. Milk is good with sweets and if you add cereal to it you just made a quick meal. I have no idea what I’m going to eat for dinner tonight. I think I have a pack of meat in the freezer…but it’s frozen…so. Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to make this week without going shopping. I need to get a job…soon.

I also need to go book shopping. I’m not looking forward to that. I’m only taking 3 classes this semester so hopefully I wont have to spend more than $200. School is costing me a fortune. I really do need to get a job because as of right now I’m worried about how I’m going to take care of rent, utilities and credit card bills. I can’t even think about how I’m going to pay for school. I wasn’t expecting things to turn out this way. I’m digging myself into a deeper hole each semester. In a few days my cell will be cut off because I cannot afford to pay the bill. I share the bill with my mom and she can’t pay it either. My family and I are in such a terrible state right now. It’s really making me depressed.

Right now I’m feeling kind of bittersweet. I’m happy to be back home but I miss my siblings at the same time. I felt like I just needed some quiet time because everyone was driving me crazy and I just couldn’t get that in Detroit. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I really reached my limit today. I had my sister load up my car and while I was getting ready to get in it my mom pissed me off. My little sister was sad. She was knocking on my window saying “Bye Chrissy” with her big eyes and I really didn’t feel like talking so I waved to her and she just looked so sad. I just wanted to tell her to get in the car and come with me but at the moment I don’t feel like driving back to Detroit to drop her off so I just left it alone. I know I’ll be happy when I get to lay in my own bed tonight. Especially knowing that I can go to the bathroom whenever I want, to the kitchen, and basically do whatever I want whenever I want without worrying about who I might wake up.

I did have some fun times. It wasn’t all bad. It’s hard for me to be around a bunch of people all the time. I need to be able to have a room that I can go in and shut the door. I didn’t have that there. Anywho, I’m going to post a video and you HAVE to watch it. It’s hilarious. Also, I made my own Broadcast Channel on Justin.Tv on Christmas Eve Eve. I think I might start using it because it was kind of fun. But it might be a little boring just watching me since my sibs aren’t here. If you want to check it out you can do so here: SilentDestiny@Justin.TV

And here’s that video I was talking about…

It’s time for it to be out with the old and in with the new.  I’m gonna do a brief reflection of the things that went down this year.

January 2007 - I got myself into a hole money wise.  I took out a loan to pay for my schooling, housing and to help out my family.

February 2007 - I got my license. My store closed.  Luckily my aunt decided to give me her car free of charge.  All we had to do was drive it back up here.  After getting the car I secured a job with another store in my district so I dodged the bullet of losing my job.

March/April - struggled with trying to decide if Engineering was for me yet AGAIN.

May/June - I was blessed.  My dear friend told me about some paid sites earlier in the year and this is when I started reaping from the benefits.

July - I got to visit my family in D.C.  I needed that trip.  I love my family so much.  I’ve missed them.  I’m glad I got a chance to see them.

August - I turned 21.  I’m blessed to have been able to live 21 years.  I’ll always remember that birthday…it’s the year I had my first UTI and I was on my cycle.

September - I decided to start school again with a new agenda.  I wasn’t going to major in Engineering.

October - I went to the LS&A office and changed my major from Engineering to English.  They stamped my transcript with “LS&A — You’re OK!”  At that moment I felt bittersweet.  I was glad to be out of Engineering but at the same time I felt like I gave up.

November - my other store closed.  This time I called it a wrap.  That was that.  I lost my job. The highlight of this month was the time I got to spend with my Family during Thanksgiving.  I’m a family person.  I’m glad that I’m getting closer and closer with my family the older that I get.  I also had a Spanish Skit as well as a Spanish Oral Exam which I scored a B+ on both.  I was excited about this.

December - I registered for classes and decided to minor in Screen Arts & Cultures. This month was mostly filled with spending time in front of the TV.  I watched shows like ANTM, A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila and Gossip Girl religiously.

So that is my year in 2007 all summed up.  I’m really glad I was able to live another year.  Hopefully next year will be even better!

Sometimes life can really suck.  I called my mom today and she sounded really sad.  I asked her what was wrong and she said the window in her car somehow broke.  It will cost about $600 to fix.  The car insurance she has will pay for the costs above and beyond $500.  So basically, she has to cough out $500 to fix a car window.  $500 can pay a months rent and bills for me.  With $500 you can damn near get a decent used car.  There is so much you can do with $500 but a window is not something that I see on that list.  It’s sad not only because it’s around the holidays, but my family is dirt poor.  This has been a really rough year for all of us.  I know Christmas isn’t just about the gifts and I’ll be fine with not getting anything but I can’t say I wont be sad if I wake up and my siblings don’t have anything under the tree.  I just sit here and wonder what we did that was so bad?  Why do we deserve this?

Things could always be worse.  I just wish my mom didn’t have to deal with this.  The crazy thing is I was calling my mom to see if we could scramble up about $300 to pay for tickets to Washington, D.C.  My grams birthday is next week and they are throwing her a big birthday bash.  As always my aunt told us about it at the last minute.  The tickets for all 4 of us will be $600 which isn’t bad considering how we got last minute notice.  My aunt said she would cover half.  Now that this happened I know we definitely aren’t going.  It’s sad because I looked forward to it.  I’m calling my aunt now to tell her that we can’t make it.  I was so excited about it too.  I was just telling my friend about how I couldn’t wait to see my cousins because I really missed them and a day later my aunt emailed me.  I guess that’s how it is sometimes.

Looks like my aunt is busy.  I called her at her office and on her cell phone.  She probably doesn’t recognize my number because I no longer have a Detroit area code.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news anyway.  I don’t think she understands what it’s like to be poor.  It’s hard to just pay for plane tickets at the last minute and do this and that when you don’t have money.  It really does suck.  I want to see my family!